Talking to Myself

I'm notorious for talking to myself. "What did you say?", "Nothing, I'm just talking to myself." Seriously I seem to have more conversations out loud with myself than most people do. I'll even argue an idea out loud until I work it out. But the one thing I do best of all is psych myself out. I'll be out on a perfectly beautiful day, running with someone fabulous and manage to get a crappy thought stuck in my head. "Who do you think you are?", "How are you possibly going to do this?" and so on. It will get so bad that I it will ruin my entire workout, and sometimes just stop running.

This sort of self deprecation is not limited to my running, oh no. I like to dance with punishment at work and even in relationships. I'll figure out in my brain why I can't do something and dog gone it, I'll prove myself right! I'm trying to figure out the areas of my life where this doesn't happen. I don't do it while I'm swimming or biking. I don't do it when I'm driving, because clearly being from New York, I am the best driver. I'm afraid of failing, I'm afraid of failing publicly. Is anyone else? I'll go to such great lengths to avoid failure that I won't even attempt something. Someone at work told me that I need to be brave and trust myself. I took that advice seriously. I'm working on being brave and trusting myself. I'm working on it. I'm working on it. I'm working on it.

For the next week I have to get out of my brain, stop sabotaging the hard work I've done, and feel completely confident that I will not only kick ass at the LTF Triathlon, but that I will make my goal time. Trust myself. Be brave.